Unmarried & Childless in My 30s: My Thoughts on Motherhood & Marriage ft. Franchesca Gipson

Leaving the club with my friends, we were struggling to make it back to the car with aching feet when a couple of guys we knew walked with us. One of them pulled me aside and said he wanted to “pursue” me—the catch? He was married. I shut it down immediately, but that moment stuck with me. I was maybe 21 at the time, and looking back, I realize it shaped how I viewed marriage.

Marriage has always felt a little foreign to me. I didn’t grow up seeing relationships I admired—no grandparents celebrating 50 years together or family examples of a love I wanted for myself. What I did see was what TV, movies, and social media showed me, along with the endless horror stories shared in person and online. Marriage was never something I dreamed about. Nobody around me was rushing to get married, and “ring by spring” was definitely not a thing in my world, so there was never any pressure to settle down by a certain age.

If you know me, you know I love a good rom-com, especially the early 2000s ones. When Baggage Claim came out in 2013, I bought the DVD (which, to this day, I have no idea where it is). Watching it at 19 was fun, but watching it now, at 31, hits completely differently. In the movie, Montana Moore (Paula Patton) is on a mission to find a husband 30 days before her little sister’s wedding. Meanwhile, her mother (played by Jenifer Lewis) keeps reminding her that marriage is everything—as if that’s what makes a woman valuable. The irony? She’s been married five times.

It’s funny to watch, but in real life, that kind of pressure is real for a lot of women.

Now that I’m 31, I find myself thinking more about marriage and motherhood and what it really means to navigate life as an unmarried, childless woman in my 30s. It’s not that I don’t believe in love—I do. But my hesitation around marriage was always about fear. Fear of losing my independence. Fear of choosing the wrong person. Fear of feeling stuck. I was raised to be self-sufficient, and while “I don’t need anyone” sounds good, I’ve realized that’s not actually what I want. Like, help me, please! (LOL, but seriously).

Growing up, I watched my single mom take care of everything—no days off, no real support. I’ve always been the “strong one” in my family, the one people assume doesn’t need help. And honestly? I hate that. It’s exhausting, and it’s definitely shaped my views on motherhood too. My mom always told my sister and me, “Y’all don’t want kids. Go live your life.” At the time, I didn’t really get it. But now? I do. The freedom and the ability to focus on myself—I appreciate it so much.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve also realized that while my mom’s experiences were her reality, they don’t have to define mine. I love seeing women have kids in their late 30s and early 40s because it challenges old-school thinking that motherhood’s a “right” time. A lot of them say they feel ready in ways they didn’t before, and that’s so inspiring to me.

So, where do I stand on marriage and motherhood? Honestly, I’m still figuring that out, however I find myself picturing my life with both. That’s why I wanted to bring in different perspectives—like my line sister, Fran, who got married in her 20s and is raising a child. Our journeys are different, but together, we reflect the many ways women experience love, family, and growth.

Fran’s Perspective:

Marriage was always a goal for me. Growing up around "old love," I saw my grandparents' deep, unconditional bond and knew I wanted that for myself. But love isn’t just romance—it’s about embracing change, learning, and growing with your partner.

Motherhood was another dream. I’ve always been nurturing, but being a mom has shown me how little I once understood about my own needs. The hardest part? Finding time for me. My son has taught me that to pour into my family, I first have to pour into myself. Now, I make it a priority—five minutes a day just for me and one day a month to simply be a woman, not just a wife or mom.

Social media often creates a fantasy of perfect relationships and motherhood, but real life is work. There are days I feel drained, days my husband and I don’t see eye to eye, and days my to-do list feels impossible. True partnership isn’t just about the good times—it’s about weathering every season together.

At the end of the day, there’s no single right path. Whether you’re married, single, a mother, or still figuring it all out, your journey is yours. If marriage and kids aren’t in your cards, that doesn’t make you any less of a woman. Happiness comes from living authentically—whatever that looks like for you.

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I’d love to hear your thoughts—how do you view marriage and motherhood in your 30s? Have your perspectives changed over time? Let’s start the conversation in the comments!

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With love,

Vivion Lashon